Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument
when you realize you’re wrong.
If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
When a door closes another door should open,
but if it doesn't then go in through the window.
Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
He who laughs last, probably doesn’t get the joke.
I have to exercise early in the morning,|
before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
People have the right to be stupid. Some people abuse that privilege.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
Experience is the worst teacher: it gives the test before presenting the lesson.
The best way to lie is to tell the truth. A carefully edited truth.
You know you've had a great time when you can't tell your mom what you did.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.